...Wo Shi Beijing Ren*
You Know You're a Beijing Ren When...
Everybody love those lists (my favorites are in italic).
- You've been spit on countless times
- When you go back to your home country, you try to bargain in shops
- Stop signs? Traffic lights? What?
- You never look both ways before crossing the street
- Going to the Great Wall is really boring
- You have tons of designer clothes, none of which are real
- You own movies on DVD before they come out in theaters
- 5 kuai is a big tip to give a taxi driver
- You don't think it’s weird when you see hundreds of people trying to squeeze into one bus
- It's not weird when 50 year old construction workers check you out
- You've been called lao wai
- Bing tang hu lu!!!!
- You love the pollen in spring because it's the closest you get to snow
- Getting clothes tailored is cheaper than buying them
- Manicures, pedicures and massages aren't considered luxuries
- Anything can be put in the back of a truck (flowers, humans, beer, chickens...)
- Nothing is official. Nothing is against the law as long as you don't get caught
- Guards don't have guns, they have sticks
- There is no legal drinking age
- You are "very good friends" with numerous shopkeepers
- Liu kou shui is yummy. You buy it by the box
- Horn honking means nothing. It's just a habit.
- You learn to appreciate a taxi driver that actually wants to take you where you want to go
- You get excited for the winter sweet potatoes
- Everything you own is from Ikea
- You don't drink water. You just don't
- Sparks fly when you move your blanket
- Your lips, hands, skin, and hair are always dry
- You think Chinese food from your own country is disgusting
- You get really excited when Wikipedia is unblocked
- You add an "er" to everything you say in Chinese. (Sanlituner, wan er, zai na er?")
- It doesn't bother you when people stare. You just stare back.
- You no longer clean anything; you know the dust will be back in an hour.
- You carry toilet paper everywhere and you are very good at using a squatter
- You stock up on toothpaste and toiletries whenever you're in your country
- You have multiple piercing your parents don’t know about. And a tattoo.
- You buy lava lamps at the black market
- You sleep better on night trains than in your own bed
- You love fang bian mian
- Roads go in rings
- You have to pay to use the bathroom. It's easier to go in a bush
- You can tell anyone exactly how many days there are until the Olympics
- You can spot a tourist a mile away
- You know how to ride the subway
- You've gone for a wild ride in a san lu er che
- When you're watching a DVD, it's not strange to see people's head popping up, from when it was filmed in the theater.
- You can always see cranes. No matter where you look.
- If you can't find a place you're looking for, chances are it's not because you're lost, it's just been torn down
- You don't buy or wear white clothes; they'll be gray by the end of the day
- You love Beijing and you never want to leave!
* I'm a Beijinger
